NEWSFLASH: ISRAEL RESPONDS TO HOLOCAUST CARTOON CONTEST

Olmert sings the opening bars of his own entry

Israel is to hold a contest of its own in response to Iran's Holocaust cartoon contest, Acting Prime Minister Ehud Olmert proclaimed today. The Iranian contest was itself a reaction to the Danish cartoons of Muhammad published this past September, and pundits around the world have been anxious to see how Israel would retaliate to its own cartoon calamity. Olmert explained:

"The Iranian call for cartoons poking fun at and denying our greatest national tragedy—until the time when I caught my reflection in a puddle and realized that my combover couldn't fool a blind man in a dark alley—hurt us in our deepest place. Yet, I can see the logic in Mr. Ahmadinejad's decision. One strikes his enemy by striking at that which the latter holds most dear. The Jews and Europe have always had a special relationship, filled with love and understanding. Europe feels our pain like no one else and there is no surer way to get to her heart then to cook a Jew alive. So there's no question that Iran did the most appropriate thing in attacking Denmark through us; it is as natural and unimpeachable as the sun setting over the Moab Mountains, or an incumbent prime minister launching a siege of a Jericho jail two weeks before elections. No, we cannot object to Iran's course of action in the slightest, but we can fight back, and hit Iran where it hurts them the most. Therefore I have decided that Israel will hold a contest for five-act tragic operas on the subject of Tibetan floor tiles. In this way we hope not only to scathe the Iranian psyche, but also to test their tolerance for fine art, which they claim to support so wholeheartedly. Jejune cartoons they can take, but will their resolve melt when the fat yaks begin to sing? We shall soon find out! Take that, Ahmejumbyjebab!"

[Yes, this is another satirical post. Purim may be over, but Adar it remains.] 
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